Last week my new client was giving me a tour of her home when she sheepishly shared that she and her husband sleep in separate bedrooms. I told her that Nic, my husband, and I do the same thing - and we’re practically newlyweds. She exclaimed - “Oh I feel SO much better!” This isn’t the first time I’ve had a near identical exchange.
If I share something that’s a departure from the topics of offices and organizing, it’s because I’m riding a theme that’s come up lately with my clients. Ever since my husband moved in with me nearly three years ago, I’ve had countless conversations with clients on the topic of sleeping in separate bedrooms. We’ve been doing it since the first night for reasons outlined in GQ’s Why I Stopped Sleeping With the Love of My Life. When I found this article it was like reading a manifesto I couldn’t have ever written better myself.
"A week into the new routine, we couldn’t understand why we’d ever slept in the same bed. Nor could we explain how the profoundly insane idea of joint sleeping got to be the societal norm...as best I can figure, most people sleep together for the same reason they become Chicago Bears fans or get back into vinyl: the pull of tradition."
- Jeff Vrabel, Why I Stopped Sleeping With the Love of My Life.
What I want more than a home office is a good night’s sleep, so Nic has his very own room that looks so very Nic. Whereas my room is a floaty space of layered pale grays, pinks, and whites pictured here, Nic’s is dark woods, moody grays, mid-century antiques, and no-frills wool blankets. It’s beautiful (yes, it’s still a Kacy creation), but it’s unmistakably his space - junk drawer and all. By the way, we do share beds on vacations.
Nic and I have never had a complex about this, but it felt good to know that according to Vrable, about 40% of adult couples are also “sleep divorced.” In my experience of being welcomed into many hundreds of homes, this statistic feels spot on. I also hear from a lot of clients (women in particular) that though they aren't doing this, they want to! If you are secretly or not-so-secretly wanting to “sleep divorce” the love of your life but don’t know how to approach the topic, please read and share Jeff Vrabel’s Why I Stopped Sleeping With the Love of My Life.
Do you and your partner also sleep in separate rooms? I love hearing stories from this tribe! Spill all here in the comments.